So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
