i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
