he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
