I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Me too!
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
