Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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