I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
