If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
