I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
