apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
