One girl and one boy is just not enough.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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