I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
