he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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