Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
