yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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