i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
