One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
