i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We have started to decorate penises.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
