i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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