My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
