Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
