i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
