If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
that may or may not have been my penis.
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