I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
