I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
