dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
