Three words: puerto rican gang bang
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
