Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Randomize
