She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
