when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
