The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
