why didn't you poke me back
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
In other news, I just burned my penis
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
