she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
