I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Randomize
