Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
