Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
