and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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