why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
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