The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i drank out of a bidet.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
