There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
