just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I could fuck to npr.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
