Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
