I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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