Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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