3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
