according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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