definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
