How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
