dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
