We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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