Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Randomize
