Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Randomize
