If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
