U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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