would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
