"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
