haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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