And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He shit in the fireplace
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
