Screwed.edu
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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