What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
