At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
